- Dear fanfic author
- October 30th, 2012
Dear fanfic author,
Okay. I found your story amusing enough to read the whole thing, and I got some chuckles out of it. You handled the crossover elements well -- the universes were well-balanced and the explanation was plausible in context. My personal judgement is that most of these particular characters would not, under these particular circumstances, engage in hookups with people they just met, but that's something that can be argued and anyway, this is fanfic. Random sex is par for the course.
My problem is with something else you had one character do, or maybe more with the response to it. As you pointed out to the first person who mentioned it in the comments, the character was deprived of his usual support structure, desperate to get home, tends to make rash decisions, and was having an ego contest. Okay, I can buy that as a rationalization for why he'd do it. It makes sense. The ego contest even explains why he isn't feeling bad over taking advantage of someone hosting them. But what he did effectively sabotaged the local emergency services, and tampered with the thought processes of an entity clearly seen as a sapient being by the locals, regardless of his own opinion.
And he doesn't hesitate, he doesn't take several chances to back off and look for another option, and he isn't even a little bit sorry.
Someone who acts like that should not be responsible for first contact situations.
The characterization is not necessarily incompatible with the character as seen. I think it is incompatible with the character as someone in the right job.
I'm not going to say anything to you, because I don't have enough positives to balance my wordy negative, and what would be the point anyway? You don't need some random person on the internet saying they think your story showed a particular character as very bad at part of his job. That might have been useful to hear while you were writing, not now that you're done.
But one of your main characters came off as a reckless, arrogant jackass who prioritizes his personal convenience over the welfare of a whole lot of innocents and the mental autonomy of someone who's only tried to help him. That's still an interesting character -- but that is not a fit commander.